i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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