So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
