My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
