I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
