If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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