You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We have started to decorate penises.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
