It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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