I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
