If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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