Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
