Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
