morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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