its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
