I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
