we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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