I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
