i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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