he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
