he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
