dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
