Capitaan dildo arrescate!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
