It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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