When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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