He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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