i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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