Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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