Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
