omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
