where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
