i just sent this text using only my big toe
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
