I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
