wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
