I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
