I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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