He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
