woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
