I could make wine with my vomit
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
