we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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