You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
