He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
