How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
