Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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