I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
