11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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