Four minutes until I can fart!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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