Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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