Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
