After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
