I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
