drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
