The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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