He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
