there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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