so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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