Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
