I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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