The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
