I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
