I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
