i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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