i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
