do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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