no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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